Speaking of money, again.

 "I'm addicted to cash"

-Lady Donli.

Credit: Pinterest.

Welcome back to the dom! If you're new here, feel free to buy a bottle of champagne and send me the invoice. No, I will not pay for it, but humor me anyway. 

How are you doing? Really, I want to know. Leave a comment and let me know how you are. Until then, I hope you have been well. I cannot stop apologizing for leaving you high and dry and I'll try to do better, but you know these things take time. So, please forgive me. 

Today's blog post interests me a lot. I know I say this all the time, but walk with me. Remember that time I wrote about money? A lot of you reached out to tell me about your experiences, and I promised myself I'll keep updating you as often as I can. Well, it's time. 

So here goes, speaking of money again. 

In Lady Donli's hit song, Cash, she expresses her immense love for money in a way that lets you understand how her relationship with it is, even if you have never encountered or experienced it. 

Well, thanks to Donli, I have also realized that I'm addicted to cash.

I have also found that I have quite an unhealthy relationship with it. Let me paint a clearer picture. I grew up in Lagos, the commercial capital of Nigeria. I know how money works, how to make it, how to spend it, how to save it, and whatnot. To cap it all, I'm an accounting major, so when I say I know my stuff, believe me, I do.

In this part of the world, we believe experience is the best teacher. While this may apply in a couple of scenarios, it is not always so in most cases. Sometimes, it pays to have a guide or some sort of heads up as opposed to being thrown into the world to figure out everything on your own. 

No one ever tells you the important things about money. It's always the mundane and unimportant things they offer. 

Like how money is the root of all evils, and how money cannot buy you time or happiness. 

Take me, for example, my first interaction with money shaped the foundation of what I now see money as. As a child, money was a tool. It was the thing I stretched to the store woman anytime I wanted Goody-Goody. It was what my mum gave the cashier at Mr. Biggs whenever she took us out. Money got me all these things I wanted and as far as my 5-year-old self was concerned, that was all. 

Hence, for the longest time, money was nothing but a transactional tool. 

My second encounter with money was in primary school. The school's bursar walked into my class with a list of pupils whose parents hadn't paid their fees. At that moment, I realized money was more than a Goody-Goody ticket. Money was powerful, and it was the difference between the children who were sent home and the ones who stayed back. 

So I told myself that money was the key to staying in places I wanted to be in. Like a pass, or a ticket, more like a key. 

My third and most significant encounter was some years ago. A friend made a spontaneous decision that I thought was foolish. In her defense, she could afford to and that's when I realized that the most valuable thing money can buy you is time, and when you have time, you have options. 

My idea of money has shaped my relationship with it, how I treat it, how I make it, and how I spend it. A relationship that I have found is very toxic and unsustainable. 

When I think of money, I literally panic. Because I have drawn a parallel line between money and these three things, I constantly try to make more of it just so I never run out of options, lose access, or cannot afford a necessity. 

It's ironic how the more I try to, the more I fail at it.

Last month, I found I was matching my worth against my finances and that was the final red flag. 

How do you even get to a place where, if you have money, you're happy and feeling fulfilled? And if you don't, you are having panic attacks, making terrible financial decisions, and talking yourself down? 

How do you get to a point where you are obsessing so much about money? 

These are questions I'm currently asking myself as I embark on this journey to detaching and untangling myself, twine after twine from this toxic relationship I have with money. 

I want to do better with my money. I want to find a balance somewhere between making sure I have enough of it and not losing myself in it.

I want to earn a lot more because I want to spend a lot more, but the goal is to find myself as I find money and not lose one to another. 

So cheers!

To unlearning destructive behavior and relearning wholesome ones.

To healthier relationships please, 

With everything and everyone.

Love, 

Chief.